Anniversaries: Some good, some bad

We have two major anniversaries that are hitting us this weekend. When you first hear the word anniversary I think that weddings are the thing that comes to mind.  People are always celebrating how many years they have been married and what that means to them.  I love celebrating the anniversary of my wedding. My husband and I just had our ninth anniversary and we are looking forward to our tenth (which we will be celebrating at Disney World next year). I was pondering over the word and decided to look it up. According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary the word anniversary means,

1:  the annual recurrence of a date marking a notable event; broadly :  a date that follows such an event by a specified period of time measured in units other than years <the 6-month anniversary of the accident>

2:  the celebration of an anniversary 

As I got to thinking about the topic, I came to the realization that anniversaries are not always good.

I had been doing a lot of thinking yesterday and kept going back over my mind to August 8, 2013. That was the day that the doctor called me and told me the scariest thing I have ever heard, "Your 13 year old daughter has cancer.".   I was in shock, I just didn't want to believe that was what was wrong, but it was.  We made it, with the Lord by our sides, through all that chemo and time spent in the hospital and here we are one year later the stronger because of it.  I am not sure if yesterday was good or bad anniversary. I mean it was bad in the sense of the news we got, but I guess you could also look at as good. Why? Because it is a reminder of what happened and how good God has been in our daughter's life. He has healed her and continues to do so. Next week is her nine month check-up with her oncologist and we are hoping and praying for continued healing and good news.

The second anniversary that we have this weekend will be tomorrow. On August 10, 2010 I went to the doctor for a routine ultrasound with my third pregnancy. I had never had any major problems early in my pregnancies, but from the moment I got that positive result I just had a feeling something was not right.  That day would prove that my "feeling" was correct. The ultrasound revealed that our precious little baby's heart was not beating. I will never forget the intense pain of that news. We decided to name our little angel August. It means one of royal birth. I think it was a perfect choice since our baby was born straight into God's family. At first I seemed to be fine, but as the days went on my emotional and mental pain only worsened. It has been a long difficult journey, with two more miscarriages since the first. I continue to have my good days and my bad days. I know this is something I will never "get over", even though many people keep telling me I need to. It is those people that have no clue about what it feels like to be missing not only one, but three pieces of your heart. It is those people who think having babies is the easiest thing in the world. I can tell you with a certainty it is not. I always dread these loss anniversary dates, but I try to remind myself at each one that God had a plan and purpose for taking my babies on to heaven. Do I understand it? No. Will I ever understand it? No. Will it matter in the end? I don't believe so. I believe when I get to heaven and see my precious little ones for the first time that I will be so happy and joyful that I won't even care about the why.

"That's my 'two-cents worth', what's yours?"

Weight Loss Journey: Part 3

So here I am again writing all about my weight loss journey, or as I should call it my weight loss that isn't happening.  Back in April I wrote part 2 of this blog topic and at the time I was just a couple of pounds from reaching my fourth goal in my journey. Well since then we have had vacation, Bible schools and lots of church get togethers.  I also had a minor surgery that put me out of commission for about 3 weeks. I also  picked up my soda habit again. I was disgusted with myself when I saw that I was drinking two, sometimes three sodas a day. I think y'all get the point, the last few months have been difficult!   So here I am back at it again. I have started drinking my water and am back to one drink a day. I am making sure that I eat breakfast everyday and that I am watching the amount of sweets I am eating. My eight year old loves to bake and we have had all sorts of goodies at home this summer. In fact, she just baked a peach cobbler this past Monday and it was delicious. All that being said, it is hard when you drop the ball and let things catch up to you. I am only up two and a half pounds from what I was, but I am still not happy with that. I have decided this time that each and every morning I am going to ask the Lord for help throughout the day to keep me on track. I am also starting back with my exercise routine. I am planning to get back to my walking 3 days a week and my Zumba 3 days a week. It is not so much about weight, but about being healthy. I am planning to get the rest of my family on board. I'm sure my husband will be all for it, but these kids are another matter. Here's to hoping that won't buck me to bad. Now let's get up, get back on the wagon and get moving!!

"That's my 'two-cents worth', what's yours?"

The Mysterious Mole

I wanted to blog about this topic because I think so many of us out there are taking our skin health for granted. How many of us actually take the time to check our bodies for new or unusual moles or skin imperfections? The answer should be all of us, but unfortunately that is untrue. Back in May of this year I discovered a small but very dark in color mole on my right side. I had never noticed it before, it just sort of "popped up". Considering my family history (I have a brother who has had to have moles removed) I thought it would be smart to get myself to the dermatologist to have it checked. I should have been having annual skin check-ups for a while now, but I just kept putting them off. In my own defense, the idea of letting a doctor look over my entire body was so embarrassing, but I decided that it was worth it to keep myself healthy. I had my appointment in June and my doc decided that he wanted to biopsy my strange mole and get it checked to be on the safe side. I am so glad he did. The results showed that it was a severely A-typical mole. That simply means that it was not melanoma, but if let on my body it had the potential later on to become melanoma. This news was upsetting to begin with, but then I was very relieved to hear that they could remove the rest of the mole and hopefully take care of the issue. I had to see a surgeon earlier this month to have the mole removed and get myself all stitched up. My incision is a little over an inch long and has seven stitches in it. It has been a little tender and some days it is so itchy it almost drives me crazy, but I have to say I am healing up very nicely. I go back in a few days to have the stitches removed and get my lab results. I am going to have a nice scar, but it will serve as my reminder to get my skin check-up every year. I am so glad that I got over my foolish pride and had myself checked out. I mean, what if I had just not gone, left the mole there and a few years from now found out I had melanoma. I want to be around to watch my girls grow up and live their lives. Plus, I want to finish out living mine to the max. Why write about this you might ask? I want everyone to be aware of the dangers in ignoring something that needs to be checked. I have not been in a tanning bed in 20 years and I have not been in a bathing suit (without being covered up) in 15 years. I did so much damage to my skin as a teenager. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to take better care of me. I know my family history puts me more at risk, but you should have yourself checked every year even if your family has never been affected. It may be the smartest decision you ever make and it could save your life. "That's my 'two-cents worth', what's yours?"

My Grief: One Year Later

I guess this post should start off with something about how busy we have been the last few weeks. Since my last post we have had school field trips, end of year programs, family vacation, piano recitals, vacation Bible school and my annual summer cleaning of every room in my house. It seems as if the days fill up faster and I am slower at getting most things accomplished. Being this busy has actually been a blessing for me, you see the busier I am the less time I have to think. I can keep my mind focused on everything else going on and not on the fact that it has been a year. This last week I have not been able to stop thinking about it, even with everything that is going on, it seems to be in the forefront of my mind. You see, one year ago on June 24, I made an unexpected trip to the emergency room. This trip would take me down a road I had already traveled twice before. This trip would bring back so many sad and tragic memories. This trip would break my heart for the third time and bring all the same haunting questions back around. Those of you somewhat familiar with my story may know of what I am speaking, but others will be just learning about it, so let me explain. On June 24, 2013 at 1:30 in the morning we dropped our two children off with our neighbor and rushed to the ER. I did not take them with me, because I knew in my heart what was happening and I did not want them to be a witness to the struggle. I knew before the doctor ever saw me that our precious little baby, the child we had prayed and longed for, was no longer with us. I was 12 weeks along and had to go through labor just like I had with my two living children. The pain was only made worse by the fact that I knew I would never hold or see this child. I would never know the sex or get to tell our baby how much they were loved. I had a feeling deep in my heart that our baby was a boy and I have refered to him as such ever since. We decided to name our baby Quinn, which means fifth, seeing as he was my fifth child. It was a long, hard night and I am so glad that my husband stayed right by my side the entire time. It was so hard to tell our children what had happened, they did not even know that I was pregnant. We had keep it a secret, due to my two previous miscarriages and was planning to tell everyone that week after our 12 week ultrasound. Since I had been through this before I knew what to expect both physically and emotionally. I have to say that the emotional things have not left me, in fact I find that after each loss it has been more difficult to go on with life. At times, my grief even now, is so strong that I find I can not breathe. It is as if something heavy is sitting on my chest preventing me from drawing any air into my lungs. It seems that someone has their hand around my heart and is squeezing it to the point of crushing it. This week has been a hard one. It started off on Fathers Day as I cried myself to sleep that night thinking of our babies in Heaven. I went on to cry myself to sleep for the next two nights. There are times I do not even understand myself or my feelings. Let us just get to the point where the rubber meets the road here. I want to be happy and content with my life, but I still long for that third child to make our family complete. The desire to have another child is so strong in me that it hurts. I look around and see all these others getting pregnant, having their babies and I wonder what is wrong with me? I am not going to lie, there have been times when that green-eyed monster called jealousy has rising up in me. I know others who have lost and are now expecting or have had their rainbow baby. I know that they understand how hurtful miscarriage is, but I also hope that they understand that I hurt. The fact that they are having and I am not upsets me. I hate it when I feel that way. It makes me mad at myself, because I know it is wrong and I should be rejoicing for their good news. I would love to have a rainbow baby, but it seems that will not be and it feels as if I have been left out. For those who have children that would be the same age as mine, it hurts to see them. It hurts me to see them do new things and grow, because I can not help but think of my own. I think about how I will never sing Happy Birthday to them. I will never see them take their first steps or speak their first words while on this earth. I do believe that someday when I reach Heaven, I will see them run to meet me and hear them call me Mommy for the first time. That is going to be a wonderful reunion for us. Will I ever get over this? NO!!! I do not expect all to understand. Even a woman who has had one miscarriage can not understand me, the mother who has lost three children. I am happy for you, but do not expect me to jump for joy and stand on the rooftop. I will not be silent, I will talk about my children who are not here, just as you talk about yours that are. The difference is you are teaching your children about the world and I am having to teach the world about my children. In loving memory August 8/10/10 Kate 5/04/11 Quinn 6/24/13

My Top Ten (Eleven) Serious Life Lessons learned form Disney!

So we did the whole silly lessons learned thing a few weeks ago and it just seemed fitting to do some real life lessons learned.  I hope you enjoy my Disney take on life.

10. Finding Nemo: Never, ever give up!  Just keep "swimming" and eventually you will get there.

9.  Up:  You are never to old to go on an adventure, make new friends and learn new things.

8. The Incredibles:  Embrace the "super-hero" in yourself. You can do things you never dreamed were possible.

7. Brave:  If you find yourself in a disagreement with someone explain to them why you feel the way you do about the situation.  You may never be able to agree, but you may be able to understand one another and come to some sort of compromise on the issue.  Who knows letting them know how you feel could "change your fate".

6. Mulan:  Just because your a girl does not mean you have to give up your dreams, it only means you may have to work harder to make them come true.

5. Tarzan: Make time for fun as a family. They will be memories you will look back on for a lifetime.

4. The Lion King: "Hakuna Matata!" Seriously, we worry so much about everything that could happen and out of 100% only about 1% actually does.

3. The Little Mermaid: Real true friends are very important, do not ever take them for granted. They will always be willing to help you out of a "pinch".

2. Frozen: I actually learned two lessons from Frozen. The first is that, there is nothing else in the whole world like family. I know sometimes they hurt you and make you sad, but they are still your blood and nothing will change it. We just have to learn to forgive them and love them anyway. The second one Anna learned the hard way, just because something seems meant to be, it can still be wrong. If it is to good to be true, it mostly like is. Be ever watchful for those sheep in wolves clothing.

And last, but certainly not least...

1. Tangled: True love will always find you, (even if your locked in a tower). Make sure your eyes are watching and your heart is willing and waiting.

Imagination: Thank God my kids have it

Recently my husband and I were discussing how much we see the children of today with some sort of electronic device, sitting around glued to the screen of their ipods, tablets or phones. It made me think of my own childhood and the lack of electronic toys that we had.  When I was a little girl I would go outside everyday and play in the dirt, building whole worlds out of rocks and sticks. I  remember that we would spend whole afternoons building  "frog houses", I'm sure I need to explain that. We would put our hands or feet flat on the ground and covered them with wet dirt, packing it down really good. Then we would pull out or hand/foot and it would leave an opening in the dirt.  We would build them and make little roads to and from. We built whole neighborhoods and then would pretend rocks were cars, because we didn't have any cars to play with.

Getting ready to build our "frog house".

You have to pack that wet dirt down really good!

Now slowly pull your foot out. 

Smooth out the entrance and you have.....

......our completed "frog house". 

I remember a time when a stick would become a sword, a digging tool or even a gun. A pillowcase could be a super hero cape, a sack or even turn you into a ghost.  A box would be anything from a car to a boat to a spaceship. A flower pot, a few household items, a few outdoor things and a toy tea pot could become a Fairy garden for Tinkerbell (see picture below).

I am not trying to say that electronics are bad, they do have a use in our society.  It just distresses me as I look around and see all these children, even little toddlers with some type of "device" in their hands. It seems they have no idea what is going on around them and I have to wonder what has happened to imagination?

Our children are limited to thirty minutes of technology time a day.  I try to encourage pretend/imaginative play.  They play board games, play with dolls,  blocks, read books and stay outside  when the weather permits.  Maybe all of this comes from my Early Childhood Education background, but I sincerely believe that children learn from play, no matter their age. 

Without imagination we would have no more inventors, authors, artists, the list goes on and on. Let us, as parents, take the opportunity to foster imagination in our children so that future generations can see how very important it is.




 I have to say I had an awesome childhood!!

"That's my 'two-cents worth', what's yours?"



My Weight Loss Journey: Part 2

It has been five weeks since I wrote the first part of this blog. I have to say I have been super slack in writing anything, because I have been spending time with my kids and enjoying the few days of pretty weather we have had here.

When I wrote the first part of this on March 10th I was down 8 pounds and I am now happy to report I am down a grand total of 13 pounds. I met the goal that Weight Watchers set for me, so I decided to increase it by 3 more pounds. That may not sound like much to anyone, but losing 16 pounds total would put me down
ten percent of my body weight.  I had heard somewhere that ten percent was a pretty important achievement so I decided to research it out. According to the OAC (Obesity Action Coalition) losing 5-10 percent of your body weight can significantly alter your health for the better.

http://www.obesityaction.org/educational-resources/resource-articles-2/general-articles/benefits-of-5-10-percent-weight-loss

Just watching what you eat is not enough, you have to maintain an appropriate exercise program that will not only help you continue to lose, but to keep off what you have already lost.  I often hear people complain about being overweight, unfit or unhealthy. I do not care to hear people's excuses!!! I know  that there are medical conditions that people have that prevent weight loss. My husband suffers from hypothyroidism (under active thyroid) and it has been impossible for him to lose weight. The best that he has been able to do is just maintain the place he is at.  Some people however will moan and complain about their weight, size or how unhealthy they are, but they are not willing to do anything about it.  Years ago I never even gave being healthy a second glance, but now I need to take the time to take care of myself. I need to do all that I can to try and stick around for my family.  I want to see my children grow up and live their lives to the fullest. If that means giving up a few foods that I love and dedicating some more of my time to exercise, then so be it.  I have just a few more weeks left with the Weight Watchers program, hopefully I can hit my "new goal" and continue to maintain it.  We need to get healthy if not for ourselves than for our loved ones.  Summer is coming people, it is time to get off the coach and get it moving.

"That's my 'two-cents worth', what's yours?"