Spontaneous Grief

Today I will be addressing an issue that plagues me very often. It is a condition that causes me to experience mental, emotional and physical sickness. I do not know if it in fact is a true medical diagnosis. If it is I have no idea what the medical name for it is. I have just decided to call it Spontaneous Grief.

Spontaneous Grief (which I will refer to as SG from here out) has the following characteristics:

1. It is sudden: SG is a sudden thing that happens. You may be going along about your day and all of a sudden there will be a trigger and that grief will hit you.

2. It can occur at any time, any place and in any situation: SG does not care about the time of day, where you are or the circumstance it will just show up. For me it happens mostly when I am at home or at church. I have had it hit me riding down the road and while shopping for groceries.

3. It has a trigger: A trigger is simply something that sets it off. Seeing an elderly man in bib overalls reminds me of my Pa Woody, smelling the scent of Vicks Vapo Rub sends me back to memories of my Grandma Eva, shucking corn and snapping beans reminds me of summers spent on my Granny Sadie's front porch working with her. These are all triggers that bring my loved ones back to the fore front of my mind, causing me at times to respond to them in grief. The worst for me are the things that trigger thoughts of our three babies in Heaven. Just the other day they were singing Happy Birthday to a little one in our church who was turning one. I just sat in the pew and cried. I was so hurt, not by the child having a birthday, but by the fact that I would never again celebrate a child of my owns first birthday.

4. It most often ends swiftly: As it comes upon you suddenly, it will also most often end swiftly, at least it does for me. It is almost like the grief is just under the surface, waiting for that trigger and then it is released. It seems as if it just needs to be let out, like a geyser that releases it's built up water and then stops.

5. It causes sickness of the body: I find that when I am hit with this grief it leaves me not only physically, but emotionally and mentally drained. I experience fatigue, dizziness and most often nausea. As SG for me is quick, the after effects vary. The physical sickness is swiftly over, but the emotional and mental effects can take several hours to overcome.

I don't know how many of you out there can understand or sympathize with this post. I am not writing it for people to feel sorry for me or to make it seem as if I am looking for pity. I am simply writing it as a means to deal with my own journey and to hopefully help someone else as they travel their own path.

"That's my 'two-cents worth', what's yours?"