This weekend marks our fourth time joining other families at the Hearststrings Walk to Remember. Each year this walk is held the second Saturday of October in memory and to honor those babies loss to miscarriage and that have passed away before their first birthdays. It is a very emotional time for all the families that are affected. I looked forward to the chance to honor my little ones, but I still dread it in a way. I know that probably sounds horrible to say. Why would I dread getting the chance to participate in something like that? Well, because it just brings everything to the forefront of my mind. The grief of it all is always there, buried just below the surface waiting for any little thing to bring it lurching forward. It could be a sight or sound and it could be a simple statement made by someone else. There are a number of things that have this affect one me. I am often asked if I would like to hold peoples little ones. To be honest the answer is no, I would not like to, but I can't say that, at least not out loud. I just say yes, hold the baby, give it back and cry when I am out of their presence. So you see now why in a way I dread the walk. We missed last year when our oldest was battling her cancer, but this year we will be attending, rain or shine. We will go, wear our homemade Team Ellis 3 t-shirts and take the steps for our babies that they never got to take on this earth. It will be an emotional morning, I know there will be tears and sadness, but I will have the Lord there with me and as always he will help me. I will lean on his comforting arm and on the arm of my husband as we celebrate the short, but very important lives of each of our babies.