Tuesday, March 18, 2014

The Fighter

Here I sit at four in the morning unable to sleep, my mind wandering from one thing to another, trying to decide how to proceed on so many things.  I have some decisions to make and I just don't know which way to go. 

I have always been an outspoken, opinionated type of woman. I am what some might call a fireball when it comes to certain things.  I love my family, my husband and my church family.  Ask anyone and they will tell you I am also tenderhearted and compassionate.  I feel blessed when I have the chance to help out someone in need. I use to wear my heart on my sleeve so to speak, I would get my feelings hurt very easily, but  life has made me hard.  This thing called life has turned me into a person with a thick skin, most of the time. I still get hurt, but I don't let it show until I am alone. 

I have been a fighter my whole life. I had to fight two mean brothers when I was little (LOL), then I had to fight being bullied in school. It seemed that at every turn I make I have always been in some type of "fight". In the last three years my fight has become one that centers on the emotional and spiritual aspects of my life.  I have to fight something everyday. People are quick to judge me, thinking they know me and how I feel. Well let me tell you they couldn't stand to walk a quarter of a mile in my shoes, they would be begging for their own back. Yes, I know that there is always someone out there in worse shape than me, but there are others who think they could handle what I have been through and come out unscathed.  What am I fighting you might be wondering? Well let me tell you.

My fights:

1. I fight a battle everyday to keep my faith.  There have been so many things that have happened that has shaken my faith to its core. Each day I struggle to deal with why God has allowed us to go through so much and others seem to have it so easy. (It is often at these times I think about how good God has been to us, things could be much worse. This helps me in this fight.)

2, I fight to keep from becoming depressed.  I see the signs so well, how easily I could give in to my depression and let it take over me.  I have to stay on constant vigil to keep my mind busy, so I don't have time to dwell on things.

3. I fight for my marriage.  Due to the above two fights, my marriage has suffered and I have to fight to keep it together. My husband is very loving and takes wonderful care of me, but he can not fight the thoughts of my mind and heart, that is a battle all my own.

4. I fight for my family.  Each day I have to stand up against someone or something that would love to destroy my marriage and children. It may be other family, people that we know or even things of the world that are creeping into our lives.   I have to work to keep my cool when people mess with my children or my husband. The old me wants to rise up and knock someone upside the head (as my Pa would have said), but I have to put those feelings aside and pray for those who seek to hurt my family.

5. Finally I fight the one who is the cause of trouble. The father of lies, who manipulates our minds and tries to defeat us.  I do not want to give him any more credit than is due, but he will convince you to make a mountain out of a mole hill. He will make you feel useless, unloved and unwanted. He will do all that he can and use anything that he can to destroy us and our families. In 1 Peter 5:8 it says, "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:"  

The things that help me in this fight are:
1. To be vigilant, to keep my eyes and ears open for attacks. 
2. To be thankful. Each day, first thing,  I try to list 10 things I am thankful for. 
3. To read my Bible. In Ephesians 6:11-18 it says,"11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:
18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

By practicing these things it helps me to keep my focus and to be ever ready for the battle that is going on around me.

"That's my 'two-cents worth', what's yours?" 

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